How to be a Working Writer--Your Writer's Voice

From "How to be a Working Writer" by Diane Smith

Your Writer's Voice

Want to be like me? No, I don't mean short and constipated. I mean, write like me, in my particular style. If you do, and we'll discuss your sanity later, here's how you do it.

First, you step into the shower. Next, you get out, because you've forgotten the shampoo and conditioner. Now, step back in, armed with the hair products of your choice. (It doesn't matter what they are—when dry, your hair will have the same scraggly look regardless.) Turn the water on again, full blast. It comes out in the usual dribble.

Now scream. That's right, let go with a big-ass shriek. The water is freezing! And it has only slightly more force than an elementary school drinking fountain. Despite the fact that multiple guys have come to the house to check the plumbing and they all say the same thing, “Huh. You've got plenty of pressure …”

And that's the most important factor: you must be under lots of pressure in your life in order to truly write like me. Let's assume you are. Under tremendous pressure. Mostly self-imposed, but no matter. Anyway, back to you standing in the shower, which is not exactly the stress-reducer you'd hoped for. The water has finally warmed up to tepid, and you are fully lathered from head to toe.

That is the precise moment when the PERFECT story premise comes to you. And because you have the memory of a gnat, you know you won't remember the premise after the shower. That will be a good 10 to 15 minutes in the future. By that time, your mind will have gone through many changes.

List of mind changes (oh yeah, I do a lot of list-making in my writing):

a. Crap, I forgot to bring my cell phone into the bathroom. I'll bet I've missed an important call.

b. Will my husband be annoyed with me because I used his razor?

c. The mold growing in the corners of the shower looks kinda scary.

d. Ha ha, one of my 4^th graders said Ny-a-GARR-a Falls yesterday! I should write that down.

e. I really like Taco Bell burritos.

f. Is a burrito a small burro and therefore made of donkey?

And so on.  It should be pretty obvious by this point that my writing voice is a series of non sequiturs. Because that's how I see life—a series of random events that make no sense most of the time. If you adopt my writing style, you'll find that while it is rarely marketable, it is somehow freeing. It's like unclogging a clogged drain. And god knows, I could use some unclogging. Hence, my penchant for Taco Bell burritos. 

Enjoy, and happy writing!

Summer is officially over today.  The last time we posted was in June.  We get the irony that September 6 was "Fight Procrastination Day." 

Bloggers who post on a daily basis, or even a weekly basis, have our utmost respect.  They must be super-disciplined, or really exhausted.  Either way, it's amazing.

Our hectic summer ends with the Cuesta College Writers Conference, and this year's program was another successful one.  Nothing is more inspiring and confidence-building than events like these.  Certain folks are just fun to hang with.  That list includes writers, animal lovers, and musicians.  They seem to have an attitude of "Not only am I gonna stop and smell the roses, but I'm gonna do it with my dog and my iTunes, and then I'm gonna write about it."  Thank you, Cuesta College and SLO-Nightwriters!

What's New:
*Evy has a new little book, "Oriental Brush and Verse," which is a combination of her simple techniques in Sumi-e painting and her own original haiku.  She discovered that haiku is very much like painting--both activities are meditative and the results can be very satisfying.  And they don't eat up your time!  A bonus!  Contact Evy for questions about painting and information about obtaining her booklet.

*Diane printed her three volumes of "Ruthless Readers of the Central Coast do Aesop," a collection of Aesop's fables done in play format, updated and infused with humor.  They're part of a series of Middle Grade Readers suitable for reading and performing in both small and large groups.  Diane continues this labor of love, including scripts in the areas of American Folklore, Fairytales, Greek Myths, Norse Myths, Egyptian Myths and Jataka Tales.  Eventually, she has plans to tackle such biggies as Beowulf and Gilgamesh.  She's crazy like that.  If you are a teacher and need a play adaptation of a piece of literature, contact Diane.  The library of literature taking up space in her brain is a terrible thing to waste.

*Diane also put together a pocket book called "Editor in my Pocket."  It's a culmination of all the cheat-sheets she provided for her students over the years, including helpful hints about grammar, spelling, punctuation and such.  It even includes an impressively long list of "Other Ways to Say Said."  Ask her about how you can get the book or have one custom made with your own photo as the cover.  (Hers is her dog.)

Enjoy your "roses" (and hope for rain)!

Going from Blahhhg to BLOG!

                                   Monarch butterfly--got 'em eating out of my hand? 

It's June, school's out, and we've re-cuped--as in recuperated.  At the risk of sounding like we're full of excuses, the following explains our hiatus from blogging:

1.  Diane recovered from her dental work marathon.
2.  Evy started her own dental work marathon.
3.  Diane's "little job" at the elementary school turned into a BIG job--multiple classes in poetry, reader's theater, journalism, and art.  She also coordinated and taught peer mentoring at both the middle school and the high school. (SUMMER ART CLASSES OFFERED AT Nipomo Recreation Summer Schedule).
4.  Evy has several oriental brush pieces in a local gallery (PAINTINGS ON SALE AT Five Cities Gallery).
5.  Another writing group added to our schedule.  Besides "Long Story Short," a flash critique group run by Diane, we attend "Just Us," a critique group for the children's genre. (JOIN AT SLO-Nightwriters).
6.  And finally, we'd really like to spiffy-up our blog.  You know, make it more interesting.  So ...

Thank you to our many friends and supporters, for hanging in there while our New and Improved Blog undergoes a little makeover.  Stay tuned for more cool stuff than you can shake a stick at, including new artwork and short stories we'd like to share with you.

                                                 Dragonfly--shaking a stick?
Enjoy!
Evy and Diane

P. S.  As a little preview, here's Diane's interview with the editor of Leodegraunce (READ AT Leodegraunce Author Interview).

Diane, through Plexiglass, September 2011

UnoArts Finds New Roots

Ever have one of those years?  You know, when you move to a new town, your life changes focus, and you get three root canals done?  No?  Well, I have!

An opportunity arose this spring when I turned a corner and found myself writing for a new market: this time, short fiction.  I promptly got published twice--I mean, I got paid for it--and won a writing award. 

Well, at first I was elated, then I panicked.  I thought, If I'm going to pursue this fiction-writing business, I'll need a constant flow of material to write about.  So I accepted a new position in a neighboring town in which I spend 8 hours a week teaching 4th through 6th graders how to write stories and poems.  Yeah, yeah, I was an English teacher in my former life, but that was for middle and high school kids.  This is a whole new world.

... of hurt.  These little ruggers are ruthless!  First of all, unlike me, they are armed.  They're equipped with energy.  And they have no inhibitions.  They look at me, all wide-eyed, and say mean things like:  "Are you old?  Like 30 or 40 or something?"  I have to bite my tongue, or else I might respond with "Why you little whipper-snapper!" and REALLY show my age.

As a result of all this material-gathering for my fledgling fiction-writing career, I am sleeping less and grinding my teeth more.  Hence, the dental problems.  I really did have three--count 'em THREE--root canals.  This coastal paradise we moved to a year ago has everything, but it can't cure lousy teeth.  I do like my dentist though; you gotta love a dentist who has surfboards in his waiting room.

Aloha!  from Diane

(The pic is me and my Lillian Dean Writing Award for Short Story.  It really is an honor and I'm grateful.  I will be posting some short pieces written by both me and my mom, Evy.  Stay tuned ...)

What Happened to March?

Why does time pass so much more quickly the older you get?  The entire month of March came and went, before we had a chance to post.  Not only that, but it's halfway through April!  We could mumble something about several birthdays this month, or being super-busy with painting, writing, and gardening, etc., but it would just be an excuse.

Diane finished teaching her art/writing classes for Lucia Mar this year.  It was so much fun!  Proof that education is a lifelong activity.  She will be focusing on her own writing--until the summer classes begin.  Actually, we could say that teaching made us too busy to post last month ... nah, that's not true either!

What is true, though, is that we're still adjusting to life here in our new home on the Central Coast, and life without Dad.  Dad left us a year ago April 4, at the age of 92.  Each of us deal with such things in our own way.  Evy (Mom) was compelled to write an open letter to him, her husband of over 60 years.  We'd like to include it here for anyone who can appreciate loss, coping, and carrying on.  This one's for you, Dad--Salud!

Dear Micky,
     It's been one full year since you left us.  Hard to believe that so much time has gone by.  Last evening, Ken brought home some pizza for us -- sort of a little symbol in our memory of you.  Ken opened the special bottle of wine I gave him last Christmas.  He said it was extra good wine, no comparison to the cheaper red wines he usually drinks.  I remarked, "Dad would have loved joining us with a glass of wine."
     I miss you so much -- probably more than either Ken or Mare realizes, because I tend to grieve in silence.  Oh, how I long to be able to sit beside you and discuss various issues -- even small ones, like enjoying the beautiful colors of a bouquet of roses.
     My new roses here in my new home are not nearly as robust as the ones I had in Poway.  But, I have to give them time.  Time.  They say that "time heals all."  Perhaps time eases, but it does NOT heal.
     I've tried to get back to some honest piano practice.  It's very frustrating as my fingers stumble on the keys and I realize how much I've lost.  But, I have to give that time, too.  Wouldn't it be great if I could regain enough technique to again play Chopin's Ballade in G Minor?  I'll never forget how much you helped me with that music.  I only wish I could have taken better advantage of your ability and coaching, but we had too many interruptions in our journey together.
     That's life!
Love, Evy ("The Lady")

About Computers and Insomnia and Creativity

Hello! Diane here. Retiring and relocating to the Central Coast has created a kind of monster in me. I can't stop writing! I used to have a million and one reasons for not writing, including the dirty dishes, the loads of laundry, and the piles of paperwork I had to take care of on a regular basis. Then I got a netbook for Christmas, and I can't leave it alone! I crank out poetry, story ideas, journal entries, short stories, and plays faster than you can say, “Don't you have some errands to run?”

We creative types are famous for having sleep disturbances. I used to have a terrible time with that. Now, when I wake up in the middle of the night and the old anxieties start to creep into my consciousness, I grab my netbook and they melt away. In their place are the sparks for short pieces of writing: memoirs taken from childhood experiences, articles about music and travel, character sketches of interesting people I've known.

After I finish a piece, I have a sense of accomplishment, enough to allow alpha waves to take over in my brain (alpha waves are the ones associated with states of relaxation and peacefulness). Pretty soon I'm into the stages of sleep. Way better than sleeping pills, wine, turkey, or any of the other remedies insomniacs are told to try!

Anything can trigger a memory worth writing about. An old song comes on the radio—bam! I'm 16 again, at a high school dance. I get a whiff of peanut butter—zip! My mom's fresh-baked peanut butter cookies are on the counter and I am a hungry 8-year-old. A dragonfly floats into my yard—pow! I'm reminded of a pair of dragonfly earrings I had when I was 13 … which in turn reminds me of the time my best friend pierced my ears (it involved ice cubes and a sewing needle). Well, you get the idea!

And that reminds me to remind YOU about my next Adult Education class which starts in March:

Memoirs - Essays of Yesterdays (writing your personal life stories)

What to do: Go to the Lucia Mar School District website and register for the class online.

Need help with your report or manuscript? Get editorial assistance here!

Want study guides? A custom study guide can be created for whatever your English Comp, Literature, or Language Arts class is throwing at you!

Email with questions for Diane: mdcomposes@gmail.com

Don't forget that Evy is available for all your art questions and needs. You can email her at evymore@charter.net. We look forward to hearing from you!

Enjoy!

Diane